So....That Happened....

Hey Peeplez...

Soooo....um....I'm not engaged anymore...


yeah...I'm actually single now. after three years...it feels wierd to be totally honest. She was and is a wonderful woman, and I wish her no ill intent. but I could not stay with her. I broke up with her. totally out of character for me I know...there was a time in my life where I enver would have believed I would be capable of breaking up with a woman...but I knew that if I were to marry her I would be miserable. and I firmly believe that the only time one should divorce is because of adultury...and even in that case only as a last resort when all other methods of reconciliation fail.  and so I decided that it was easier to rbeak and engagement than to be miserable.

Its odd. it has been almost two weeks since our seperation and already I yearn for another relationship. not neccessarily a girlfriend per se but...something...idk if it is just a rebound thing or what it is but I crave affection and support in a way that I believe to be unhealthy. and perhaps it is...and for that reason Iw ill begin seeing a therapist next week. I have put it off these last few years because my bethrothed did not wish me to see one. but I have issues. and I need them resolved. and that was a factor in my choice to leave her. you know earlier I signed up on a few online dating websites? I'm not sure what I wanted out of that...what my intention was...perhaps I just wanted to feel like someone was interested in me? To feel like someone actually desired my prescence without any ulterior motives....I just want to feel wanted I suppose....

so here I am

Back in my safe place of solace

I will be here

and I plan on having more poetry for you soon